


we live and we die (for each other)

by Anna_banana



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Formula 1 drivers - Freeform, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mentioned But no actual character death, One-Shot, musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 09:29:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15748938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_banana/pseuds/Anna_banana
Summary: Now that Lewis is retired he imagines both his and Nico’s deaths. It’s something you can never afford to do as a driver, too dangerous to think about. Nowadays however, he finds it surprisingly hard to stop.





	we live and we die (for each other)

Lewis doesn’t consider himself as a particularly morbid guy but then again he’s been spending a lot of time recently considering the possibility of both his and Nico’s deaths. Perhaps it’s something to do with the fact that they are both retired now. Death isn’t something you can allow yourself to think about when you try to drive yourself to the edge of it. Times might have changed from Formula ones past, but risk is still never far round the next corner. He thinks of all the crashes from the most terrifying to the most mundane. No matter how good or bad things got he’s unbelievably grateful things weren’t any different for both him and Nico.

Thinking about it all now he is actually amazed they didn’t go out together. It would have been the perfect end to a dramatic story he imagines. Them both crashing out in a blaze of flame. Together as they should be, both victorious. It’s a thought that never lasts long. The wide panned movie scene snapping to a halt when it pans in to reveal Nico charred. Nowadays he can’t get a picture of Nico looking anything less than perfect to seem right in his head. It worries him that a film about his career could be more like Senna rather than the Rush of both Hunt and Lauda. Equally he knows he looked at his idol and made a choice about his career a very long time ago.

The thoughts of death just carry on and the idea of him heroically saving Nico’s life from tragedy, somehow seems off to him. Picturing it the other way around does nothing but make it even worse. He can imagine Nico being a perfect match to him and being some kind of donor in a dramatic bid to save his life. Lewis conjures up a picture of matching blood types and each having the others blood, swirling through their veins. It would make sense to Lewis, that Nico’s blood would reach his heart to keep it beating, even or maybe especially now.  
There is a problem however, that neither of the pair is a fan of hospitals and Lewis can’t think of many deaths that could be more awful than this scenario. Somehow Lewis is able to conjure up worse thoughts and he finds them far too easily in his own reality. 

It’s been far too many years and he and Nico have grown apart long beyond reconciliation. They’re civil of course, but that’s not enough. How could it be compared to the passion of feeling the deepest of love or even their darkest hate.

Lewis is tempted to throw his phone into a wall with the sudden realisation he would only find out about Nico’s death via social media or some scripted and cordial phone call if he was lucky. He clutches the cross around his neck and wonders whether either of their hearts would twinge when the other passed. As though it is possible that somehow they would just instinctively feel it and their own heart would crumble to pieces in their chest. 

Lewis believes in heaven and hopes that is where he will end up when he is gone. He realises he never bothered to ask Nico the important questions. Lewis has no idea where Nico believes he’ll end up, if it’s anywhere at all. 

Acutely aware that the real dangers of their youth is gone, Lewis is fairly convinced that both will die as impressively old men. He wonders if when the first goes that the other will just follow them quickly and quietly after. A frail heart will finally pack in the second of two the frail bodies. He wishes more than anything that they could be buried together, knowing fine well the impossibility of it. They won’t even share land or country let alone a burial patch. Instead he imagines that both he and Nico could be cremated. One day both pairs of ashes will scatter through the wind and they will find each other, just like always.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t know where this one came from. I’m sure I’ll be posting some slightly happier or at least more plot filled F1 stories soon. :) Hope you managed to enjoy despite the sad tone. Thanks for reading as always!


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